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Station 45 - home of Anderson Cleary, the youngest Chief in the history of Cascade. This man gave his all for the station. He brought it back from the brink of closure as a Captain. He remodeled the building, made sure that everything out of date was improved and replaced. However, the station soon came upon turmoil as it was torn in half by the actions of two men. Even after all the close calls he had gone through, nothing could take him away from his beloved station and job. That was until his life was taken in the performance of his duties. It left the station in shock of losing their leader and friend.
As they gave the highly decorated hero his final ride on the truck and laid him to rest, a new threat came to Station 45 and the two others in the city. A pyromaniac was about to make his mark on the city and give this station a new threat to face without their leader. This wasn't their only problem. The actions of two men a few weeks before Anderson's death left the station torn. Five crew members and a Captain was replaced and left a gap in the personnel. Now this burden rests upon the shoulders of a new Chief and old friend to Anderson - Gavin O'Leary.
So, About That... {Elliott} « Thread Started on Oct 11, 2009, 12:55am »
Michelle had taken up residence in Katie's house, unable to go back to her own just yet. It had even been Katie that had gotten clothes for her and Jamie since the boy was just kind of numb at this point. That he wasn't greiving outwardly was beginning to concern Michelle. She had set up an appointment with a counselor for him, but apparently he wasn't saying much of anything. At the dinner table, it was nearly impossible for either woman to get him to eat anything, let alone eat healthy. Some nights, he curled up in bed with the women. Only in his sleep, it seemed, did he curl tightly to Michelle, sometimes calling for his mother in his sleep. Most days he couldn't stand to be touched. He hadn't said anything of significance to his mother since they got home from the hospital. He had let Katie hold him for a solid two hours without speaking, but could barely look at Michelle for almost a week.
For her part, the Fire Marshal had done her best to be emotionless at work, to separate herself. Elliott had been a sweetheart, but he had perceptively picked up on the fact that she didn't want to talk about Ricky. Or Katie for that matter. Thank goodness he was sweet enough to give her the space she needed. However, she had gone straight back to work after being released. She was still a bit tender and bruised up, but she couldn't sit around at home all day. Katie was taking time off to spend with Jamie. When she had gone to work one day, Jamie had left the house. Michelle finally had the police department bring him home where he had locked himself in his room and refused to come out until Katie was home. Part of her heart ache was that she felt like she was losing her son as well. That thought alone made her sick to her stomach. She wanted so badly to yell when Jamie acted that way towards her. He had completely withdrawn, and while it wasn't fair to her, it wasn't fair to him to blame him for it.
Life felt pretty fucked up right now. She didn't know which was worse, losing Ricky or the way Jamie was dealing with his father's absence. The man had always been there, even when Michelle's work did not allow her to be around every moment that she wanted to. She had missed his first steps because she had been on a call. His first words, she had caught, but just barely. His first day of preschool found her unconscious in the hospital after falling through two storeys and landing, fortunately, in tact. The other grades, she had been there, but she knew so many times she was absent when he wanted his mother. There were nights when he had dreams that woke him up that she hadn't been there and only his father had been able to consol him. Whenever there was a fight in the marriage, it was over those kinds of things. Michelle couldn't help it. She couldn't choose when she actually had to work and when Jamie needed her most. She did everything she could to be there as often as she could, including losing a lot of sleep, but she knew it wasn't the same as having a mother who worked during the school day and was home every night.
He was angry with her, too, for Ricky's death. Katie had told her that much. Most of what she got out of him, she knew remained a secret, but Katie had at least told her that. Apparently, Jamie didn't blame her, but he was still angry with her. And, for that, she couldn't blame him. He didn't know what was going on, and though Michelle said she was there for him when he was ready to talk, she knew her son was thinking she would be gone, at a fire or at the station. And, as much as she wanted to stay home and wait for him to be ready, she couldn't. Fortunately, he had returned to school this week, starting Wednesday. His teachers had excused him from the make up work, and now, at almost noon, she was sitting at a park bench, head in her hands, trying to will the answers into her head. She hadn't cried since the initial incident, before things really fell into place. Now, she just didn't feel like she had the energy to cry.
She had asked Elliott if she could talk to him before he shifted off the night before. He had, blessedly, agreed. Katie didn't know what to do about Jamie, but the poor woman was trying to be the rock for both Michelle and Jamie, and it was wearing her thin, too. Michelle could see it. That she had told the woman that she didn't need to be the solid stone didn't change anything. Katie would be only because there was no else immediately around for either of them. Still, she really needed to talk to someone, especially about Jamie. She wanted to talk to a guy. It just seemed right. Who knew, at any rate? Jamie had asked after him a few times, but Michelle hadn't really known what to tell him.
Elliott Johnson Fire Fighter Forcible Entry Team member is offline
Tomorrow's for the fires we don't put out today[D3v:short-leaf-fan]
Joined: Oct 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 196 Karma: 0
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #1 on Oct 11, 2009, 11:12pm »
Elliott was back to work now, even though he was somewhat distracted at the best of times. After all, he couldn't help but think of Michelle and her son Jamie, who had both been released from the hospital. He had spent as much time as he possibly could with them while he had been off shift, but when he was due to report back to the station, there was little he could do but go. After all, he had bills to pay and really needed the money. If he wasn't living pay cheque to pay cheque, he would have stayed. Lord knew that they both needed him, even if they wouldn't readily admit it. Michelle, he found, would more readily admit it than the boy, who had already become withdrawn. It was sad, really, but until Jamie decided to talk, there was little Katie, his mother, or even Moose could do.
If there was one thing he had truly learned from the death of his sister, it was that grieving took time. He had withdrawn from the world and his career for nearly a month as he learned to cope with the fact that she was gone and would never be coming back. It was easily the hardest thing he'd ever had to deal with, and it still haunted him. Moose figured that it always would. Even though he'd never been overly close with her, the sheer shock of losing her had sent him into a tailspin. He had refused to talk to anyone to get help, much like he figured Jamie wouldn't talk. Still, he had learned on his own, and Elliott was hoping that Jamie would learn to do the same. After all, he could tell that Michelle was really worried about Jamie, and he hadn't seen either of them cry since the accident. Holding back wouldn't help either of them in the long run.
Elliott knew that Michelle had gone straight back to work, which in a sense didn't surprise him, though he wasn't sure it was the wisest decision. As far as he was concerned, she needed time to recuperate both from the physical trauma she had sustained, and the emotional trauma she was still going through. Still, he applauded her strength. He didn't know how she was managing, but she was. They were still working together on the arson case, and it was progressing slowly. The only good news was that their arsonist had holed up somewhere and wasn't coming out. To Elliott, that was wonderful, but he was wary every time the tones went off and they were dispatched to a working structure fire. He never knew which one would be suspicious in nature and would require further investigation.
Elliott was giving Michelle some space to gather herself and come around. He knew she didn't want to talk about Ricky, so when they did happen to chat, the topic stayed away from her late husband. He knew she would talk when she was ready, and when she had approached him the night before, there was no possible way he could turn her down. That she had even turned to him shouldn't have surprised him, but it did. After all, she was staying with her friend, Katie. He had naturally figured that the Marshal would talk to her. Still, he was more than willing to help in any possible way that he could. If it meant being a shoulder to cry on, he'd do it. He'd even be her punching bag if it meant she'd move on just a little bit more.
Moose had agreed to meet her at a time and place more convenient than the bay of Station 45. She had suggested the park, and that was where he was heading. The weather was cool and crisp - a typical fall day in Cascade. The leaves were changing, turning vibrant reds, yellows and oranges. He drew his station jacket closer around him as a slight breeze picked up, though the sun was fighting hard to warm it up outside. He could see her up ahead, sitting on a bench. The place was essentially deserted as he took a glance around. Moose hadn't shaved this morning and looked tired. He had fought hard for the few hours of sleep he had managed to snag the night before, images of what he'd seen at work - both good and bad - had replayed over and over again like a bad movie.
"Hey", he said quietly as he took a seat beside her. He wasn't even sure that she'd seen him approach. Now, like he had at the scene, he wanted to just hold her tight and tell her everything would be OK. It was so cliché though, and it wasn't true. Not now, at least. It would take a long time for things to be OK, and he was sure she knew that. He let the silence fall between them for a few moments, uncertain of what to say. He truly didn't know how to help her, considering that everyone grieved differently, and he hadn't exactly handled his own grieving process the right way. He realized that much now. Still, the need to help her was there. "How are you holding up?", he asked, figuring that he already knew the answer to how she was doing. It was pretty obvious, despite her outward show of strength. No one was as strong as she was pretending to be, and the only one she could hurt by it was herself.
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #2 on Oct 12, 2009, 11:50pm »
"Hey," Michelle muttered as she turned to look at Elliott. She gave a small, polite smile in greeting that had very little conviction. She was just too stressed out. The pressure was on to nab the arsonist before he started up again, though she was grateful for the break. Of course, the break made her wonder if the arsonist really wasn't a fire fighter since it was mostly that community that knew about Ricky and that Elliott was trying to help Michelle through it. She wondered if the arsonist was giving him a chance to recoup. Obviously, the criminal wanted Elliott's full attention, and when he wasn't getting it... Needless to say, the idea scared Michelle. Fortunately, though, they had found that the occultism and the arsons weren't directly related. In some sense, they were, though exactly how remained out of their reach.
Jamie was scaring her. He was turning to Katie, but not very often, and clearly not enough to really help. He stalked off whenever Michelle came into the room, and though the three ate together, actually getting him to eat still proved a problem. Michelle was going down hill from the stress of watching Jamie deterriorate. She had asked his school counselor to check in with him. Maybe he would open up to one of them. At least, that was the hope-- that he had someone he was willing to speak with. On top of all of that, her husband was dead. The man had been with her for fifteen years wedded and three more on top of that as a friend, then boyfriend, then fiance. That was literally half of her life.
She ran her hands through her hair. She was about as exhausted as he looked. They were both being run into the ground for one thing or another, and she knew this had brought back memories for Elliott. "As well as could be expected," she answered, parroting the secretary back in the Bureau home, "It's Jamie I'm worried about." Yea, she wasn't in the mood for small talk. She hadn't gotten enough sleep, and neither had Elliott.
"He keeps disappearing on me, and I keep having the police bring him in. Seattle is an alright place. I mean, I'm not worried about him getting hurt during the day. It's just-- at night. Maybe I'm being too protective, but I can't-- he's hurting enough." She leaned against Elliott, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Fuck it. I'm hurting enough." Shaking her head, she tried to sit up but found that she just didn't have the energy or the will. While she could be a hard ass, she was one of those women that needed physical contact for reassurance, mostly reassurance that she was alive, especially when under stress. "He's opened up a little to Katie, but not much. He refuses to speak with me. He won't even be in the same room. And, I know I need to give him time to come around. I'm just worried. Katie's been a huge help, but I'm just kind of stuck with him. Just needed to vent, I guess. We don't exactly, uh, vent like that."
Needless to say, when it rained it poured. Michelle had no idea what to say, so she just talked. She talked to Katie, but not much. She had taken on the roll of being James' confidant, but even then, he was shutting her out. She tried to let Katie in, but they were both grieving, and while they spent nights cuddled on the couch or wrapped up under blankets with or without Jamie in between them, they held each other. It was wordless because, honestly, what could one say that the other wasn't already thinking? The company helped. It helped them both, but it wasn't quite everything. Someone to just vent to was nice. Especially when it felt like her family was breaking to pieces.
"Oh, um, I guess I owe you an explaination, huh?" She looked somewhat sheepish as she pulled herself away and played with her fingernails. "Katie's my, uh, partner. She wasn't Ricky's, but they were good friends anyway. He knew. He actually was the one who asked her to be part of the family. Jamie sees her as his aunt. I, uh." She scratched her arm and chewed her lip. Yea, this had been stressing her out, too. "I don't blame you if you think I'm a whore, but, uh, I at least owed you the explaination of what she was to me."
Elliott Johnson Fire Fighter Forcible Entry Team member is offline
Tomorrow's for the fires we don't put out today[D3v:short-leaf-fan]
Joined: Oct 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 196 Karma: 0
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #3 on Oct 13, 2009, 9:44pm »
Elliott couldn't focus on the arson case right now. He couldn't focus on much, really. He hadn't had much time for anything besides work, and the call volume was higher with the shift in weather. Already they'd had a small dusting of snow that hadn't lasted, but the rain they did get during the day was freezing at night with a cold snap that was lingering over the city, and it was wreaking havoc with the traffic. Since that fateful night that had claimed Ricky's life and had changed Michelle's forever, Moose had run to more MVA's than he could remember in the recent past. None were too serious, thankfully, but it was tiring. Throw in a few minor fires, and Elliott was ready to curl up in bed for a week. Hell, he'd settle for one night of decent sleep - but it just wasn't happening.
Though he didn't have the wherewithal to focus on the arson case, it hadn't slipped by him that the arsonist hadn't struck in quite some time. It seemed odd to him, and it kept him on edge. After all, if he truly was the focus of their arsonist, it had to be someone who knew what he was dealing with on the side, helping Michelle cope. He wasn't missing the fact that things could get hairy if he didn't begin to divert his attention again soon, and he was hoping against that, for the sake of his crew, and Michelle. While she was still active on the case, if there were any new developments, ie: a new fire, she'd be bogged down with work when Jamie needed her the most.
Elliott nodded. Michelle was strong, he had to give her that much. But, he was also concerned that a lot of her strength was just a front. After all, she was holding up remarkably well, considering that she had lost her husband. She had to be strong for her son, yes, but depriving herself the opportunity to grieve and overcome said grief would only prolong her suffering. Of course, Jamie was reacting the way he'd expected him to. Moose had been a lot older than Jamie was when he had lost his sister, and had reacted much the same. He didn't turn to anyone and had withdrawn from the world around him. He had still been living home at the time, for convenience sake, and his parents had been worried about him. Still, nothing had helped him overcome what he had been going through had been time. He could only imagine what that had put his parents through, watching him from the outside while he locked everyone out of his life.
Elliott had never run away, so he couldn't say much about that, but he did know - to an extent - what Jamie was dealing with. "You're right - he needs time, but you're doing the right thing, having the cops bring him back", he affirmed, trying to reassure her that she was indeed doing the right thing. Moose wrapped an arm around her when she leaned against him. He could almost feel the anger radiating from her body and he figured that it was from blaming herself for a lot of things at the moment. "Is there anyone else you think he would talk to?", he asked. He wasn't sure if there was a teacher at school or another adult he would confide in. He really didn't know much about the kid at all, except what the Marshal had told him.
"I mean, I could try to talk to him. I never lost a parent, but you know I lost my sister. The pain is still real and the memory is fresh. Maybe just let him know that he's not alone in this - that someone other than you knows what he's going through". He didn't know what else to offer, and it was almost a last ditch effort. But, Elliott had been there just after the accident had happened, and had spent time visiting with Jamie in the hospital. He knew that the child had been close with his father - maybe he'd be more comfortable speaking with a man than a woman - even if that woman was his mother. "Does he like any sports or anything? Maybe I can take him on a boy's night - go to a game or something - just get him away from stuff for awhile". Sometimes a change of scenery made all the difference.
Moose straightened up as Michelle pulled away, though he left his arm resting on the back of the bench behind her. She was finally going to explain to him about Katie. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want me to", he told her, but it seemed she had made up her mind about giving him an explanation, and he wouldn't deny her the opportunity. He'd put that awkwardness from the hospital far behind him and Katie was nothing more than a shadow in the background of Michelle's life to him, at least. By this point, Moose wasn't all that surprised when she mentioned that Katie was her partner. It didn't bother him either.
Elliott laughed. He couldn't help it. Had she been worried what he would think about her? Did she honestly think that he might consider her a whore? Hardly. "I hope you didn't stress too much over that - I don't think you're a whore", he told her. He hadn't expected to learn that she was bisexual, but he was doing his best to be open minded. After all, he worked with a homosexual 'fighter. Sexual preference didn't really matter when you put on your bunker gear, and he felt the same way with Michelle when he worked alongside her. He scratched the back of his neck, staring off across the park at nothing in particular. "So... I suppose this is pretty hard on Katie too, isn't it?", he said. A stupid question - one he already knew the answer to, but he wasn't great at small talk. Never had been.
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #4 on Oct 13, 2009, 11:30pm »
Michelle shook her head. "I don't know if he's close to a particular teacher. He loves school, but he had never mentioned really turning to someone in a time of crisis. He just always had his dad to talk to, and me as long as it was too embarassing for him." After all, he was at that age where some boys just didn't want to bring things up to their mothers. And, she didn't blame him. She had a brother, and she could remember overhearing those conversations between her own father and brother.
She smiled sadly. "He's not really a sports kind of kid. More of a science kid, you know? Maybe basketball." She shook her head, closing her eyes. "I know he likes you-- thinks you're a pretty good guy-- but don't feel like you have to hang with him." She slowly let out her breath. She really didn't want to have Elliott feel like it was his duty to take Jamie out somewhere. In truth, she wasn't even sure that he would open up or even enjoy something like that. She hoped he would come around soon.
"She lost a good friend," Michelle answered, "A brother, more or less. Yea, she's taking it hard, but she's suppressing it worse than I am. She's trying to be there for both me and Jamie." Maybe that was why Michelle had taken to leaning on Elliott. She already felt like a burden to him. She didn't want to add on being Katie's burden, too, even though she was. She was irritated at herself for the case. She was pissed because she couldn't get her child to open up to her. She was pissed because her husband was dead. She was mad at him and mad at herself.
Michelle leaned back against Elliott. Since he had decided she wasn't a whore for having a semi-polyamorous relationship, she felt less self-conscious about using him as a physical crutch. "I just am at such a loss. When my brother died, I hadn't been there. Same with my mother." Six and seven years had passed since their deaths, and Michelle just hadn't quite been prepared for another one. Not someone so close to her, anyway. "Between losing Ricky and Jamie deciding to shut me out completely, and Katie and I just at this stand still, I feel like my family is falling apart, drifting away from each other."
She let a few stray tears race down her cheeks, but she did do her best to stiffle them, pushing them away with her hand. "Shit. It's not like you need all this. You got stuck with the Fire Marshal on a case. Now, you just get all the crap that comes with it, huh? I'm sorry." He had managed to take some stress from her by not freaking out at her. He was a good guy, and a good friend. She just didn't want him to feel like he was stuck with her just because she was the Fire Marshal.
Yep. In a few words, she was falling apart at the seam. Everything that was wrong, that could go wrong, or that could be misconstrued as wrong by either herself or another party, she as blaming herself for. The anger didn't feel justified directed at Jamie. He had lost a father. It didn't feel right directed at Ricky. He had lost his life, and it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. So, she directed it all at the next best thing-- herself. And, when she came down on someone, she came down with the full force and emotional weight she had. She was literally destroying herself rather than healing herself, but she had no idea how to do things differently. Dealing with her mother's death had been easy. She had loved the woman but was already very independant of her. He brother's had been a little more difficult between it being so close to her mother's death as well as the fact that he had been a good friend.
Losing Ricky, though, felt like someone had ripped part of her soul from her and left her with this void that she had no idea how to fill. She had seen it before, though only seldom, in the family of the deceased. Still, she had never seen it through the long haul nor had experienced it first hand. It looked like it hurt, but she had no idea how gut-wrenching and sickening it could be. And, it had barely been a week since the man had died. She surprised herself by even being able to get out of bed most days. Then again, she didn't have a choice. She had Jamie. She had work. She had a life, and it didn't stop just because she was falling apart. She hadn't even really begun reliving the trauma yet, she was still processing the end results.
Elliott Johnson Fire Fighter Forcible Entry Team member is offline
Tomorrow's for the fires we don't put out today[D3v:short-leaf-fan]
Joined: Oct 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 196 Karma: 0
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #5 on Oct 14, 2009, 9:21pm »
Elliott shrugged. "Maybe I can take him to the Science Center in Seattle or something then, if that's what he likes". It sounded like a reasonable alternative to going to a hockey game or something, and though Elliott wasn't much into science beyond the science of combustion and the fire tetrahedron, he wouldn't mind the outing. "Besides, I heard they have some sort of space exhibit set up for the next few weeks - thought I might hit it up", he explained. He was trying to be convincing, but he was well aware that it was quite possible that he was failing miserably. After all, he had never really been a good liar, and now wasn't a good time to be lying.
"Michelle", he sighed, shaking his head, "I don't feel like I have to do anything", he told her, putting emphasis on the word have. He knew that he didn't have to do anything, and didn't feel bound by any obligation to help. "If I didn't want to take him out and try to help him, I wouldn't have offered. Jamie needs someone to help him, and I want to try. After all, you said that he's always turned to his father - maybe another man that he knows he can trust can be a stand-in. It's at least worth a shot". For her to think that he was only offering because he felt he had to had offended him - he just didn't work that way.
Moose nodded knowingly when Michelle explained about Katie. It had to be hard on all of them. Katie was the unwavering one, stuck in the middle and trying to be a rock for both Jamie and Michelle. Jamie wasn't talking - not much at least - and Michelle was essentially in the same predicament as Katie. Jamie wouldn't talk to her, and the two women were leaning on each other as much as possible. To think that Michelle would also turn to him in her time of need made him wish that he could do more for her. He was just hoping that being there would be enough.
Elliott felt her weight shift, leaning against him again. He didn't mind it - in fact he quite liked it - and he hoped that his being there could bring her some comfort, for now at least, however short lived it might be. "No... no - you're wrong", he told her, his voice quiet. The arm that had been resting on the back of the bench behind Michelle now held her close. "If anything, your family is closer than ever - you all just need some time. Jamie's smart - he's going to come to terms with this on his own time, just like you and Katie will learn to live with this. Right now, you're all coping - going through the motions without even realizing it. One of these days you'll open your eyes and realize that your life is still there, and you've gotta live it".
Maybe he was rambling. He didn't know. He did speak from experience though, and he knew that Michelle would know that. Whether or not what he knew actually applied to this particular situation remained to be seen, but he could hope. He could also hope that he could get her son to open up a bit and at least begin the healing process. Moose glanced towards Michelle and caught sight of the tears just as she swiped at them with the back of her hand. "Hey... it's alright... I'm here of my own accord. I wouldn't stick around if I really didn't want to. I might not have to help, but I want to", he told her, giving her a light squeeze.
Elliott didn't know what else to tell her. He was more than content to just sit with her awhile if that was what she wanted. "It's not good to keep it in, you know", he stated matter-of-factly. He wasn't above telling her that he cried too from time to time - it was the truth. Macho guy around the station, sensitive guy when he was alone. It was the only way he was still a firefighter - he needed an outlet and hated talking with the shrinks that stopped by for critical incident stress debriefing. He wasn't religious either, so he didn't go to confessional like a lot of the guys did. Instead he'd just let his emotions take over from time to time before they reached the critical stage where he would break down. "Just let it out - you haven't cried since he died Michelle - you've gotta do it eventually", he murmured softly.
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #6 on Oct 14, 2009, 10:13pm »
"Thank you," Michelle muttered, "I'll get you both passes, though I think Jamie would be more willing if you presented the idea to him instead of me. El? I'm sorry if I offended you. I just feel so out of control and guilty about everything." Specifically, she felt like a burden on everyone. Her partner was trying to be her shoulder, Elliott was trying to be her shoulder. She was distracted at work, and while it was expected after something like this, it wasn't something she believed in. She needed to be in control of something, and she felt in control of nothing. It was like a fire that had spread far beyond the hope of reigning it in. It burned hot and fast, and while in a literal situation, Michelle wouldn't hesitate to call in a second or even third team, when it came to her life, she was reluctant to call in back up. Yet, she knew she needed to.
It was a state she had never done well with, leaning on someone else other than Ricky. He had been her rock, but even then, it was only over case work. What she saw and did and heard in the line of duty in New York City was what she had leaned on him for, but those were so removed from her life that she was able to see past it. It didn't directly affect them, and she was able to deal with it. When it affected all of them, she trusted Elliott, but didn't want to put that kind of weight on him. Still, she was appreciative. Very appreciative.
For a few moments, she didn't say anything. She just rested against him in silence. Her hand was rested over his against her shoulder as if a silent plea to not let her go. The fall breeze gave her goosebumps under her jacket, but she got cold easily and it didn't bug her. Ricky had been cremated as per his wishes. Also, as per his wishes, she was waiting until the New Year before she was going to feed them to the Caribbean fish. He had asked her if she would do that the day they married, and she had promised him she would.
Her tears started to fall off the end of her chin. She hadn't realized she had been crying until one hit the back of her hand. A small, wet pool had been started on Elliott's chest where the tears were being caught. Oh, she was supposed to go see a shrink. Her office operated under the State Patrol Bureau, and the Chief of the WSP was techinically her boss. He was also a good friend and hadn't harped on her about it, signing a waiver that allowed her to choose whether or not to go. Of course, he had also warned her that he would order it if need be. It made her laugh, though. The man couldn't order her to do anything. She was too damn stubborn and independant, and despite him being, technically, her boss, he admitted to knowing shit about the fire services and just let her run her department as an almost separate entity. But, in the State level, at least, the police and the fire services got along.
Her fingers curled over his. She needed to break down so she could build herself back up, so she could make this new normal work for her. At least she wasn't exactly a single mom. That with a thirteen year old son and her work hours being erratic and unpredictable would be very difficult to accomplish. Jamie was coming to understand Katie's and Michelle's relationship a little more, especially now that they had all moved in under the same roof instead of Katie having her own house, something she hadn't given up even though Katie frequently stayed with Ricky and Michelle. She suspected he was a little pissed off about that, too. That maybe he felt like she was betraying his father in some way.
"I know life still goes on," she murmured, "but I'm just not ready for it to go on this way. I'm not satisfied just leaving him as a memory. It just seems to wrong to do that." Like betrayal. She was pissed off, she felt betrayed, and she felt like she was betraying the one man she had fallen in love with. Top that off with the mess of other emotions she was feeling, and she didn't know which direction she was going or even if she was right side up or up side down.
Elliott Johnson Fire Fighter Forcible Entry Team member is offline
Tomorrow's for the fires we don't put out today[D3v:short-leaf-fan]
Joined: Oct 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 196 Karma: 0
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #7 on Oct 14, 2009, 10:56pm »
"No - don't worry about it. I wanna take him, this is my treat", he told her. He figured on mentioning it to Jamie the next time that he saw the boy. If that meant swinging by with the pretense of checking up on Michelle, so be it. That would be believable, after all. "Hmm?", he mumbled, her having said his name had piqued his interest. "You're probably gonna feel that way for awhile. Time's gonna go by in a blur for awhile before you snap out of it. Just remember that I'm always here for you. Don't hesitate to call". He meant that too - whether it be three o'clock in the morning and she couldn't sleep, or five o'clock in the afternoon and he was on shift. It didn't matter to him - he would be there to listen, and console her if necessary.
Moose let the silence fall between them, knowing that no words at this point would help. She needed time. Sure, it was an old adage overused, by time truly did heal all wounds. Well, maybe not all, but it did lessen the pain. Michelle had lost her lover - a man to whom she had been wedded for a number of years. Elliott didn't know how long she had been with Ricky, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to tell that she was devastated. He didn't have a degree in psychiatry, nor did he know much about grieving - just what he'd learned in his own life, but it didn't mean that he was stupid, or ignorant to the fact that she needed someone much more than she was admitting to herself. Katie just wasn't filling that void that was left in her life.
Elliott glanced down and saw the tears glistening on her face. She had finally lost it, which was actually a good thing. She could start building fresh after having reached this plateau. He rested his chin lightly on top of her head - a protective gesture yet one of comfort as well. She was clinging to him now - really letting go of everything that had been building inside of her for the past week. The silence that had fallen between them seemed to drag on forever before she broke it and spoke. "Ricky's never gonna just be a memory, Michelle - he's always going to be a part of you. He was your husband for Christ's sake - no one can expect you to just push all of your feelings away into a little box", he told her.
"If you're not ready to move on with your life, you don't have to now. We both know that you're life isn't going to be the same it was, when you're ready to take that step. Just keep reminding yourself that you're living your life for Ricky - and for Jamie. I know you can't take the role of both parents - it doesn't work - but you have to pretend you can". His voice was soft and quiet, as if speaking loudly would disturb her. "You're a strong woman, Michelle. You're a lot stronger than I was when I lost my sister. I did the same thing Jamie is - I tucked myself away in a hole and didn't come out for a month. I didn't think I'd ever get on with my life - I couldn't face that Jill was just a memory", he paused and pulled up the sleeve of his jacket enough to reveal six numbers tattooed on his left wrist. 09-11-96. The date his sister had been killed.
"That was thirteen years ago - and I remember that day like it was yesterday. I'll never forget - you won't either, but you've got a decision to make. You can either go on living, grieving his loss, or honoring his life. You'll know when you're ready to choose", he went on to explain. That was a huge step for anyone to take. It had taken him a month to come to terms with that, and it could take her longer - who knew? But, he trusted she would know eventually. He had another suggestion for her too. "I think you should take a little more time off work. The case isn't going anywhere, and we've got a reprieve right now. Jamie probably won't turn to you because he's used to you not being there. Show him that you are". Some days Elliott seemed wise beyond his years, but that tended to come with the job. It hardened you to the tragedy you dealt with while teaching you valuable life lessons. Thirteen years as a hose dragger should have qualified him as a psychiatrist - but he preferred eating smoke.
Re: So, About That... {Elliott} « Reply #8 on Oct 16, 2009, 12:13am »
"You're right," she agreed as she pushed her tears away, swallowing the soft, silent emotion beneath her chest. She was feeling so much that she just couldn't sort it out. Everything seemed to be the most extreme manner to feel something, and she was just bouncing all over the place. Having the days alone to sleep, remember, and spend some private time might just do her some good. Having the nights to spend with Jamie or the availability to pick him up from school if he just needed to get away from it all would be good for both of them. She was meant to be there for him, and she really needed to get on doing that.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she was content to just be close to someone. This mess had thrown her for a loop. Surely, Elliott was feeling it, too, especially since she was going to him to talk. It wasn't as if they hadn't gotten to know each other, and Michelle considered Elliott a friend, but they weren't the kinds of friends who hung out with each other. The relationship had been a lot more professional than anything with the occasional touch of interpersonal chatter to pass the time and distract the mind.
It shouldn't have, but it surprised her how much she had always loved Richard. Nothing had ever quite fallen into that trap of monotony so many of her married friends talked about. She just couldn't relate. Yea, they had their arguments, and Michelle, for the most part, was in charge in the relationship which was just odd because Katie was the one in charge in their relationship. But, it worked, somehow.
"Thank you, El," she murmured, "you have no idea what you being here means to me. And, I realize it can't be easy on you." She truly meant it. From everything he was telling her, his sister's death had taken its toll, and having to put up with Michelle at this point had to be more than just bringing up memories. The pain had to be dragged along, too. Especially when Elliott's facial muscles gave him away, but she didn't say anything. Between not wanting to bring up something and being too occupied with her own little world-- as selfish as that sounded and was-- she just didn't ask. If he wanted to mention something, he would.
She sat upright as she felt her work phone vibrate. "Marshal," she answered. For a moment, she listened. "Yes, of course. Send me an email and I'll get back to you by tomorrow morning. Hey, did you get the files? Awesome. Put them on my desk. You're amazing, Susie. I'd never get my job done without you." Her voice was filled with genuine awe. Susie, a secretary-clerk at the Bureau had been able to get into computer files Michelle didn't even understand. It wasn't illegal. It was a case of technology savvy and not technology savvy. Anything computers was awe-inspiring to Michelle simply because she had never quite had the knack for them. Of course, at the same time as she was speaking, her voice had gone from monotonous and lost to perky and interested. It was an act, but it made those she worked with back off from her a little, and she had needed that recently.
When she hung up the phone, her body posture drooped revealing more of her true self than the mask she sometimes wore. "I oughtta let you get back to the station, but thank you for meeting me. It was nice to just let some of it out. And, thank you for offering to spend time with Jamie. I hope it lets him know he's not alone right now, especially since he must feel like I've put him on the back burner." She smiled faintly in gratitude towards Elliott. That might be the kind of person he was, but that didn't mean Michelle couldn't be grateful.
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